It seems like there is sooo much in the would that I am supposed to be doing. I am almost 33 at stuck home cleaning house ( or struggling to) the mother to 4 kids one a teenager, 2 elementry school girls who this week can't stand the sight of each other, and a teething, nursing baby. My sister is graduating soon with her doctorate, my brother with his masters, my parents are traveling the US. and here I am with a baby stuck to me night and day. literally.
For the past few days these thoughts just keep circulating. I decided I needed a change. So I dyed my hair lusty lavender. It SUCKS.
I forgot something REALLY important.
To turn these things over to God.
I sat in bed this morning playing with the baby and I started talking to God about all these things that keep going through my mind. I remembered that doing all these huge adventures are not me.
I always wanted to be a stay at home mother.
I always wanted to have lots of kids.
I am doing what I wanted.
I am not jealous of my brother and my sister. I am proud of them. I am proud of me. I am proud of all I have done. I am not depression. I will not allow it to win.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.