Sunday, April 15, 2012

New environments

One thing I always hated about moving was having to meet new people. As I've gotten older it's gotten worse. I don't want to say i'm shy because I'm defiantly not that. I also don't want to say I have a social anxiety disorder because that would be using my depression as a crutch instead of rising above it. The first time I remeber it REALLY affecting me was my first real job interview. Ugh it was sooo bad. I cried I seriously got so freaked out I cried.. during the interview. Today was a church picnic at our new church so I decided since the baby was asleep and the younger girls were grounded I would take Eldest. Part of me is screaming WHY?!?!?! Stay home!! Let Big_Daddy take her!! but I wouldn't let that part win so I went. UGH. Not many people were there (at the time) and the ones there were all knew each other. They were closed ranks. You know? Defiantly not a sight that someone like me needs to see coming into a new and strange place. One man stepped aside and said to Eldest there were kids over there for her to go meet then he went right back into his group. It was really hard to..... I don't know.. overcome?? I lasted about 30 min. I tried to talk to a few people but I felt more like I was interfearing. So Eldest and I came home... we ARE going to go back just with the family that way i'll have some sort of buffer.
I can't let things like this pull me down! I refuse to go back down that path!! I want to be more like Tiny T and my lovely Purple Haired friend and get out there. Jump into conversations make people feel  welcome and like I am someone fun to know. I hate standing on the outskirts!

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